… as a blingosexual transfinancial heavy metal bat of colour [beige].
I have ATM syndrome (Automated Teller Machine syndrome; when the ATM does not want to give me more than I need, I get anxiety), CPTSD (Chocolate Powered Trump Sensitivity Disease : if i eat chocolate and Trump is on TV, I break out in hives) and MTV disease (Metal Thrashing Virus; when metal comes on, I jerk my head uncontrollably).
My pronouns are Queen/Fabulous Bitch.
As a transfinancial person, life is hard. I have been assigned WFYMB (Work For Your Money Bitch™) at birth, that means that I live in a poor woman’s body, when I should have actually been assigned GFMFWOI (Get Free Money For Whingeing On the Internet™) at birth. Life is unfair.
I demand that you call me by my true authentic self titles – which I concocted after a self care session of Jack Daniels and KFC– or else I will report you to the internet police! I hate the police and any kind of societal structure, but if I need to get my point across, I will bully …er talk you into it and get you banned off the tinternet. Because I am a woke libertarian like that.
If you don’t understand my trauma, that is because you are clearly a privileged person who only understands life from their own selfish perspective. If you are white, it is even worse : your hex color code is clearly transfinancialphobic : how dare you have #FFFFFF as a code??
As a capitalo-communist with 5k worth of equipment and 1k worth of excess calories stored on the body I am living in (yes – did you know that bodies are rented to you by God, and sometimes God gives you the wrong body to live in and you shouldn’t exercise the extra McBooty you ingested off, cos you live in a body, rather than be that body) I demand that you stop telling me how to be healthy. Tess Holliday has shown us that you can be close to Lord Diabeetus but still score a cover of a magazine. Who needs functioning limbs when Photoshop exists?
And if you don’t like any of it, you are a literal bigot who is literally committing transfinancial murder. Give me your money to atone for your sins.
I am stunning and brave for coming out.
Actually, I just came out to the park, to relax and have a coffee – as a …woman who paid for her coffee with her own money? But clearly, it isn’t as sassy as coming out as an anarcho-marxist tertiosexual obese unicorn with PTSD ADD and a 50in TV, is it?
One of the side effects of lockdown for me, has been that I have been exposed to a side of social media that is completely insane and ridiculous : the SJW / HAES / TRA activist circus. Some of these social circles actually overlap with each other, and it produces a horrifying cocktail of entitled, dangerous individuals.
I actually do not have anything against obese people, trans people and anybody who wants to express their views rationally and in a civilised manner. As an alternative, minority woman myself, I know the struggles that come with being other.
But I never thought I would live in an era where :
- Having an actual personality is replaced by having endless ridiculous labels, including self diagnosed ‘mENtAl IlLnESsEs’. Depression is not cute. DID is not cute – and faking 65 personalities for a YouTube channel is frankly disgusting to actual victims of trauma. As someone with a heavy past, it really fucking irks me to see idiotic twats using genuine issues as attention gathering tools.
- Women get constantly threatened with rape and death threats, and they are the ones getting banned! I saw some really horrific messages sent to lesbians who simply expressed that they are not attracted to transwomen – absolutely vile messages which should have warranted a police visit to the author’s home. But instead, they all got called a ‘Terf’. Lol, really? Sounds like a new character in the Smurfs to me. If Terf means that I am against rape threats against women, then I guess I am a Terf too.
Yes I said it.
Thankfully I don’t spend enough time online to give a shit about labels – but the point is that if identity politics is all about throwing labels and seeing what sticks, then I guess mine is : fuck this shit!
With Love & Coffee Beans,