I Am from The Hood … 🧙🔮

And I cannot wait to change neighborhood!

Between the extortionate rent I am paying for a non-existent city life, and the attempts at emotional extortion from my craplord – I have had enough, Donna Summers style.

This week, this mumbling idiot had the audacity to send me an email asking me to lie to the loss adjusters who are due to come to the flat to assess some big ass cracks.

Not my crack. Actual wall cracks.

His email even started with a “Dear” – which made me instantly recoil in sanitised horror, as that was way too much social proximity in my opinion. Keep your distance motherfucker! Especially considering that all his previous emails had been rude and abrupt – ain’t nobody got time for your fake insurance claim bro.

This is actually the latest chapter in an ongoing saga which I do need to document for when I am a millionaire, casually chilling in my mansion, fondly reminiscing about my previous life as a destitute London tenant.

Yes, I have dreams.

And they include partaking in fashion photography in a place OTHER than this forsaken backgarden, which is now a total warzone.

Still, you gotta do what you gotta do eh?

Hooded Jacket – Punk Rave but bought on Depop
BootsNew Rock
Harness and Capri leggingsPrimark

With Love & a Decent Tenancy Agreement,

Scream for me!